


°Still°

by Shay_markele



Category: Bucky x Reader AU, Bucky x reader - Fandom, Marvel
Genre: Bucky Barnes Fluff, F/M, bucky barnes smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-06-08 14:34:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15245472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_markele/pseuds/Shay_markele
Summary: Pairings: Boxer!Bucky x poc!reader (Can be read if your not a Poc! You won’t go bald





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings: Boxer!Bucky x poc!reader (Can be read if your not a Poc! You won’t go bald

_°If I told you this was only gonna hurt_

_If I warned you that the fire’s gonna burn_

_Would you walk in?_

_Would you let me do it first?_

_Do it all in the name of love°_

_______________________________

“Sugar come on now do be mad at me. You know I did it for us, you know that baby ?”

“Buck you know I don’t care about the damn money, I hate seeing you come home every night  with a black eye or a broken nose every week.”

Fighting, it was one word you had heard ever since you were a kid. Growing up dirt poor  in a small town didn’t exactly scream “I got it easy”.

Your mom worked at the local library and bartended on weekends just to make ends meet. Your dad skipped out when you were ten.

Life was never easy for anyone in the small town. The majority of your clothes were hand me downs and goodwill was were you did your back to school shopping.

You knew life wouldn’t be a walk in the park for you ever since you could remember, but when you met Bucky you started to become optometric. Maybe the card’s could fold in your favor.

Working two jobs one bartending at a local restaurant and the other working at the library on the weekends. You and Bucky struggled to make ends meet. You all decided together that you wanted to leave the small town behind.

“Come on Y/N don’t be mad at me.” He leaned down to kiss you.

Trying to make light of the situation. Bucky decided to take up boxing a “quick way to make cash” was the way he put it.

He wanted to leave town as much as you did. He felt like you deserved the world, he always felt bad that he couldn’t even give a you slice of it.

Good jobs in your town where hard to come by, neither one if you could afford college

“Come on Buck stop it I’m not doing shit with you tonight.” You rolled out of his arms and marched to the bedroom. Nothing was going to happen tonight.

You walked off to your bedroom. You hated what he was doing; tearing himself apart for you.

Bucky let you sit alone for awhile giving you enough time to calm down and not tear him a new one. He entered your shared to find you sitting against the headboard. You looked p at him to find a small smile adoring his face.

“Come on sugar at least give me some sugar.”  He laughed out loud at his own joke, Bucky always had terrible sense of humor you couldn’t help but laugh with him, all your previous anger disappearing.

You scotted towards of the bed and wrapping your legs around Bucky backside.

Knowing you both needed this tonight, being in each other arms for the first time in weeks.

Bucky worked odd jobs in between boxing trying to make ends meet. He hadn’t been home much.

The only thing you two had time for at end the end of the day was a quick peck on the lips before you sunk into the bed.

“I just hate seeing you hurt… Saving up to get out of here just doesn’t seem worth it if  you literally have to kill yourself to do it.” tears had began to well up in your eyes.

Bucky worked so hard no matter what job he had.

You watched  as he chipped away at himself little by little all for the love of you.

“I know baby but I promised you that we would get out of this town. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure it happens .” His hand gripped onto your ankles gently rubbing circles into your feet.

This man would move heaven and earth to see you happy. He didn’t care if he had to break himself in half to do it.

Bucky moved off the bed throwing off his dirty gym clothes. Today had been long for both of you; the only thing you wanted to do was be balled up in his embrace.

Following his lead you thru you let your clothes scatter on the floor, hearing the faint sound of the shower dribbling down.

One thing that you and Bucky joked about was not being able to afford some big fancy spa you both always said the shower was your “free getaway” spot.

Grabbing your robe you padded down the hallway to met Bucky in the shower. He was lend against the counter waiting for you.

“Come on sugar the water is warm.” he half heartedly joked.

“Baby you know we can’t do that the water bill will be out the roof this month.”

You rarely took long hot shower in fear the water bill would be more expensive.

“Don’t worry about that. I worked a double at the mill friday we can afford one long shower Y/N.” He grabbed the ties pulling each one slowly, pushing the fabric over your shoulders the floor softly hit the floor. Bucky’s eyes traveled up and down your naked from smiling to himself.

“I feel like we haven’t been together in awhile, come on baby get it.” he grabbed you by your hips and let you settle in the shower first.

The warm water felt amazing on your skin; it felt good steam building up quickly in the small bathroom.

If only the water could wash away your problems not only the dirt you accumulated along the day.

Bucky grabbed your loofah and loaded it up with your favorite body wash. Swiping his hands over your collarbone moving down to your breast, rubbing the soapy sponge over your nipples working his way down to your core moving slowly nodding for you to spread your legs further apart.

He worked slowly until your skin had been covered in body wash. It was like he was remembering your body again. He moved slowly over every area spending extra time gliding his hands over your skin.  

The act was  slow and simple but you couldn’t help moaning out when he run a fresh town over your folds.

His hands worked slowly as he began rubbing your inner thighs. You knew what he wanted, you wanted to feel connected to him to; remembering the way his skin felt under your hands.

Skimming his fingers he rubbed fast and slow circle on your clit causing you to throw your head back and relax against his chest.

“Bucky hold on.. Let me take care of you.” shuffling to move Bucky under the warm spray of the water. You lathered up his towel and began to glide the soapy foam over his skin just as he did for you; taking your time on every area you touched. Working your way down to his erect member.

His hand hit the shower wall with a loud thud as you counited washing over his lower half.

“Baby slow down.” his voice was horse from his fast approaching release you’d caused.

“I’m not cumming without you.”

Bucky grabbed you by the waist and hiked your leg up on the bathtub leng, parting your folds with his fingers skimming down on the sensitive area.

He scissored his fingers inside you preparing you for the stretch of his cock.

“I love you baby i’m right here with you.”

Bucky moved into you with one slow motion rolling his hips; grasping onto your breast massaging them in his hands. He moved slowly the drag of his cock along your core made your head spin.

The slow lazy pace continued until felt you appending release.

“Bucky I- I’m going to cum.” your voice was barely above a whisper. The feeling was so intense you felt as if you wouldn’t be able to breath.

Your hand smacked against the shower wall, you bgan to bounce back on his cock moaning out his name the faster you went.

Without a word Bucky spilled himself into you, his release caused your own. Your legs where shaking the feeling of his cum cok pumping inside of you caused your walls to clamp down on his cock again.

“Y/N your-your squeezing the shit out of me baby..Fuck.”

Bucky counited to spill into you his cum filling you up until it dripped on the shower floor. He slid out of you leaning his back against the shower wall.

You dropped to your knees and took him into your mouth licking up everything that was left.

Bucky eyes winded at the sight of you. He was still sensitive but with the way you looked up at him he knew he would cum again.

He grabbed your arms and yanked you back up to your feet. He pushed you against the wall and hiked your legs around his waist.

“Fuck baby the way you were sucking me, God Y/N how do you expect me to be able to calm down after the first one.”

His cock slid into your entrance again sliding in and out like there was no tomorrow.

His head dropped to crook of your neck as he continued to slide into you,knowing he was close you decide to help with his release.

“I know your close go ahead Bucky cum inside me again.”

Your words of encouragement caused Bucky release. Calling your name as he collapsed against you and the shower wall.

You snuggled into Bucky s side as you listen to rain drip down on the earth. Not remembering the last time you held each other in a warm embrace.

“Baby?”  Bucky’s voice broke the silence in the room. You turned to your side to face him.

“You know I would do anything for you. And if that means comin home with a couple of bruise every night than by all means that’s what I’ll do. I made a promise to that we could leave this town together. I don’t care how hard it gets I’ll do everything I  possibly can do to make it happen.”

You knew not to fight Bucky. When he made a decision it was final it was almost impossible to change his mind especially when it was something regarding to you.

“I love you baby I just hate seeing you hurt.” you skimmed your fingers across his lips. “I know you wont stop so i’ll be behind you every step of the way.

“Thank you Y/N, without you I would have gone insane.”

“Well we can be crazy together baby.. I’ll be anything for you.”

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________'

 

A/N: I already have the NEXT TWO PARTS written if you want them ASAP! Let me know!!!


	2. °Still| Part 2°

 

You weren’t vain, you personally didn’t care about looks you knew the inside matter the most, but Bucky’s face was wrecked. His eye was swollen shut a busted lip and his body was covered in dark purple bruises.

He fought twice this week and he won both but you didn’t care about that. It was already breaking you knowing he was fighting for your future together; it made it more painful when he would come thru the door barely able to stand up straight.

Tonight was know different. Bucky decided to train even in his condition. He came thru the apartment door barely able to stand up straight.

“Bucky what the hell!” You charged over towards the front door ready to catch Bucky as he limped in. He promised he wouldn’t train today, you woke up late that day to see the other side of the bed empty.

“You should’ve stayed home today.” You squeezed the bridge of your nose, it wasn’t that you were “mad” at him it was the fact that he countied to split himself in two.

“It’s not a big deal sugar.” Every word he spoke slurred due to his busted lip. He always tried to sugar coat things, trying to soften the blow as much as he could for your sake. But nothing could take away the pain you felt when you saw him hurt.

You ran to the kitchen searching thru the freezer for a cold compress. You couldn’t stop the tears from falling down your face. You felt responsible for his injuries, you knew he only fought to save money; in hopes of being able to leave this shitty small town behind.

You staggered back into the living room pulling off Bucky’s shoes, peeling off his dirty training clothes. The layers you peeled from his beaten form the more bruised and scars were revealed. You couldn’t hold back your sob’s this time, you tried to stop crying but you couldn’t.

“Come on Sugar come relax with me.” He grabbed you and pulled you to the couch between his legs.

Even now when he could barely stand up straight he was worried about you.

“Things are good right now Y/N, we caught up on all the bills, we have a little extra money left over,  and hey baby!” He titled your head back so you could see him.

“If ya want we could even go out to Red Lobster or something fancy like Olive Garden.” He managed to make you crack a small smile, Bucky always managed to make your darkest days brighter.

He was right things were going okay for once. You were able to let go of your second job, your savings account wasn’t empty for once and you got a small raise at your first job.

But it didn’t change the fact the he was in pain. Why did life have to be so shitty, it was something you thought about often. Life was fair to people who didn’t deserve it and shitty to the rest.

You nuzzled back into Bucky’s arms, taking in this moment trying to relax.

Bucky breath fanned over your face, he squeezed you tightly absentmindedly rubbing circles into your arms. Bucky was always so calm it was something you always admired about him. Even in the shittest sitautions he was your rock someone you could depend on when the flood of life came crashing in on you.

It was his idea to move into your small but cozy apartment. He needed to get away to have his “own spot” as he put, and he wanted to take you with him. You both didn’t have two pennies to rub together but you took the plunge anyway.

Looking around at your small apartment now and back at the man who was holding you close; you couldn’t help but feel a little glad that not everything in your life was complete shit.

“Baby are you still crying?” You fell silent as your thoughts over took everything else, you completely forgot about your battered and bruised boyfriend. Hoping off the couch you rushed to the bathroom, you knew if he didn’t take pain meds soon enough he wouldn’t find sleep tonight.

“Y/N will ya please come back and relax for more than five minutes. I thought we both agreed that things weren’t total shit right now.” Bucky knew you to your very core. He honestly hated making you worry like this but it was all for a good reason.

It’s what he told himself after a rough match, it’s what he told himself when his nose was knocked crocked the first time, it’s what he told himself when his lip was busted from a dirty punch. It’s what he told himself when he watched you sleep at night.

He didn’t want to start fighting but he figured it was a quick way to make cash so the two of you could leave this shitty town behind.

Before he meant you he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life. At first he considered staying here working at the only factory in town making twelve dollars hour, working forty hours a week. Living the same shitty life as everyone else did.

He didn’t think he would be able to make it “out there“. He figured his mom never left, none of his friends considered leaving after high school so why should he. Bucky didn’t dream, survival was the only thing on his mind. He felt like he was drowning barely treading above water daily.

He had grown used to it, it was all he had ever known he didn’t expect to find a bright light in his dark and grime world, he didn’t expect to start believing that he was capable of doing anything other than what was expected of him. He never thought he would have any ambition or drive, but watching you run down the hall with pain meds and a  cold pack he knew he had found his silver lining in such a shitty world.

You tried to take your mind off Bucky’s battered and beaten form for his sake, but you couldn’t lay there knowing the man you loved was in pain. “Bucky I’ll be back I’m going to stop by the drug store and get some stuff to wrap you up.” you walked out the door, you couldn’t even glance back at him. It never got easier. And it wasn’t a feeling you wanted to get used to.

You made it back from the store after you finished applying neosporin to his open cuts you massaged  his back with muscle rub. You sat with Bucky’s head in your lap rubbing your fingers thru his hair. It was the one thing he wasn’t willing to compromise when he started fighting, and you were glad it was the one thing that remained the same. It wasn’t that bucky wasn’t buff before but ever since he started training he had became straight up beefy.  

Bucky had closed his eyes relaxing fully in your touch. You stooped stroking his scalp looking down at him with wonder and love behind your gaze.

“Baby.. Your-you’re sort of making me nervous.” Bucky grappsed your hand tight. His palms began to sweat. You didn’t catch the weariness in his voice until you saw his face. He looked nervous but you couldn’t figure out why.

“Everything is fine baby, I was just thinking about you.” you smiled at him. All the sudden weariness he had felt in the moment evaporated into thin air. You could reassure him with a simple smile, Bucky knew he was in deep but he knew he wouldn’t drown, not with you right there beside him.

Not worrying about bills or the future, just being present in the moment. You walked into the living room only to find Bucky struggling to move into a comfortable position on the couch. You knew he was still sore from training.

You leaned against the wall with your arms folded over your chest. Bucky knew what he need but he was too stubborn to actually get up.

“Come on y/n let’s find a true crime doc or something.” he smiled thru gritted teeth. You weren’t having it though.

“Come on move your ass Barnes you need to ice.” you walked over to the couch grabbing his arms pulling his sore body up.

“No baby come on it’s not that bad honestly.” he whined back at you, he could be such a child sometimes. He was even worse when he was sick.

“Alright if your fine than bend over and touch your toes without groaning than.” You stood there staring at him waiting for him to make a move. He could be so stubborn sometimes.

“Like I said you need to ice.” you led him to the bathroom and told him to strip and hoop in the tub. You ran cold water than filled the rest of the tub up with ice. You saw him physically relax and stretch back. He closed his eyes and laid there.

You were sitting on the toilet lid with a book in hand reading as he sat in the icey tub.

Bucky open his eyes and watched you for a while, he wondered how he got so lucky again for the second time this night.

“Staring is rude Barens.” you peeked up from your book to find him smiling like a dork.

“I’m not staring just admiring baby.” his icy hand skimmed across your leg.

“Hey! Keep your cold ass hands to yourself.” you tried to be mad but you couldn’t not with him smiling like that.

“And what if I don’t want to?” He is such a five year old always trying to bend the rules to his will.

“Then you’ll have some cold showers in front of ya baby.” you got up from the lid and swayed out of the bathroom. Bucky thru his head back, he loved drowning in your deep waters. Even if there was a little frostbite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I really hope y'all are enjoying this! I love this mini series so far


	3. °Still| Part 3°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Angst…. Here’s a hug in advance 

A dirty punch. One dirty punch. One single moment. One single second. Everything that was certain before was now shattered right in front of you. And the only thing you could do besides screaming out and crying was to sit there and watch as the world you knew it shifted.

_Flashback __

“Hey Y/N do you think you can swing by the gym when you get off tonight?”

Your shoulders visible tensed up. Bucky knows how much you hated going to the gym.

The gym was a cursed ground to you . You related it with Bucky’s broken nose his busted lip and his lack of mobility he often had after training.

“I know you hate coming in there but I’m pulling a double at the factory tonight and I really want to see you before I go in.” Bucky’s hands swept across your back pulling you into his chest. He felt like a total dick for putting you through this, causing you to worry about him constantly. But he was doing this for you. You deserve more than a mediocre life in a shitty town going nowhere. And if this is what he had to do to gain freedom for the two of you then so be it.

“Do you really want to see me Barnes? Or are you hoping for a quickie in the back of your truck again.” You tried to lighten the mood. You turned in Bucky’s embrace, squeezing him tightly. No matter how many times you tried to show up to his matches or watch him train you could never bear it.

Seeing someone you love, someone you think the world off get pummeled all for the sake of you was heart wrenching. But it was the least you could do. If showing up to the gym would take some stress off Bucky, then you would show up a thousand times.

Bucky through his head back in laughter. That’s one thing he loved about you.

“No baby it’s not.” His hands traveled up to the  nape your neck rubbing your shoulder and your neck until you relaxed more.

“But if we do end up in the backseat. You know I won’t complain about it.” He brought his hand down with a loud thud against your backside.

“Quit being so God damn handsy Barnes.” You straighten your shirt collar and thru your shoulders back.

“You are looking at the assistant manager of the Tri county public library.” The promotion you received was a blessing from above. You set aside every paycheck since you got promoted. Once you had enough saved up to pay off some bills, get Bucky’s truck fixed. You wanted to use the money to leave town. It was all in hopes of Bucky officially retiring from his very brief boxing career.

“Hmm maybe we could do some sexy librarian stuff later. “ Bucky lips turned up into a half smirk. He could be kinky as hell sometimes.

“In your dreams lover boy. I’ll swing by the gym after my shift.” You went to grab your purse and coat out the closet. Fully preparing yourself for the day in front of you.

_Present__

The fluorescent lights of the hospital where blinding. You didn’t know where to go. You stood there like a statue planted in place.

Time stood still. You didn’t know if you were fully conscious, reality couldn’t be this cruel. Not after everything you’ve endured.

The waiting room was noisy. Sounds of crying and screaming people filled the space to easily. The smell of and antiseptic clung in the air. It was the only thing you breathed in causing you to feel nauseated and dizzy.

You didn’t move you were rooted in your seat. You got one small update before he was rushed off into surgery. You didn’t see him, you didn’t know what kind of condition he was in.

All you where left with was that fleeting phone call. Nothing was explained. No detail was given. Everyone from the factory was seated in the waiting room with you.

No one spoke.

Bucky’s plan was not a secret to his co-workers. Many where people you all had went to high school with. They all where witness to his bruises, to his broken nose. They all respected his choice. If he wanted to fight he would fight. They all had known how stubborn the could be. One his mind was set there was no changing it.

There where words of comfort. Prayers where given. Talks of Hope and things being fine. But nothing would compare to hearing his voice. To seeing his face.

This couldn’t be it. Life could not hand you such a shitty card. Not when things were finally looking up.

How could you not see the signs. Where you to caught up in yourself? Did you not check on him enough? You began to blame his demise on yourself.

You staggered out of the waiting room. Searching frantically for the nearest bathroom. Your breath became erratic. You couldn’t do this without him. Life was not possible without him there with you.

Finding a small bathroom you slammed the door shut.

_Flashback __

“Barnes, I thought we agreed you wouldn’t train today. I don’t want your old lady to come in here and beat my backside blue.”

“She doesn’t know Tony and that’s the way I intend to keep it.” Bucky hated fighting for Tony but it was quick cash.

Everytime he felt like quitting your smiling face would pop in his head. Encouraging him to fight on.

“You want to sell out the gym Friday night right? If I don’t train that won’t be happening.”

Bucky headed to his locker. Opening the door and finding a picture of you he had taped next to his training gear. He kissed his fingers and placed it on your photo.

He could do this. For you.

_Present__

There was a soft knock on the door. You knew who it was. It was the news you weren’t prepared for. He wasn’t here anymore he didn’t make it.

“Y/N it’s Sam open up.” You didn’t budge towards the door. The longer you sat there your current reality could remain the same.

He would still be here in this world.

“Y/N come to the door. I don’t want to invade your privacy but I’m coming in.” Sam pushed the door open, the hinges cracked in there place.

This was it. It.was all over and it was completely your fault.

“Y/N it’s not your fault… he didn’t…he didn’t tell anyone. The only person who knew as Tony and he thought t

he’d told you.”  

Sam crouched down on the floor beside you. You already looked different. Your skin was sweaty. Your brown glo was dull. Your hair no longer stood proud defying gravity but was slicked back from the current stress.

“Y/N his surgeon wants to speak with you. He wanted to let you know wh- “

“I killed him Sam. I killed Bucky. I didn’t pay attention.. I-I didn’t see the signs.” You stood up. Your fist landing a hard thud against the wall. The world as you knew it was tumbling down.

“He was hurting every night. He came home bruises, broken bones, busted lips. And I didn’t do enough to stop him. I could….I  could have saved him Sam.”  

You fell weeping to the floor. Everything had become too much. Sam engulfed you in his arms. He knew how important it was for you to release this off your shoulders.

Bucky often confided in him. He spoke about how worried he made you and how he hated adding extra stress on you. Sam knew Bucky’s decision to fight hadn’t come easily. It was his last resort.

Jobs in your small town where scares. He didn’t want to leave you to find work elsewhere. Stark made him a offer he couldn’t pass up, a week later he had  first fight.

“Y/N he’s not dead. He just got out of surgery. He’s currently in the ICU his surgeon wants to speak with you. You didn’t kill Bucky.”

Sam’s words hit you right in the chest. He was still here, he was still alive. Your world hadn’t changed.

“He’s– he’s alive. He’s not dead.” You were crying harder than you had before. A life without Bucky Barnes was not a life at all.

“Oh God Sam…  I can’t how will I look at him. This is still my fault.” You were elated but your heart was still heavy. In your mind this still came back to you.

“Y/N this wasn’t your fault. Bucky knew he had a concussion and still chose to train anyway. He hid the signs well. He never lured you into believing that something was wrong. Quit blaming yourself.”

Sam had talked Bucky down many times. He understood your point of view but it was completely wrong.

“Are you ready to see him? I’ll give you sometime. Catch your breath, breathe in, you know Bucky would hate to see you like this.” Sams arms wrapped around you again.

“I know he would Sammy.”

Not having a single clue what waited on the other side of the door. But you knew he needed you. It was no time to be still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: 


	4. °Still| Part 4°

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song that inspired this part : “Dusk Till Dawn Sia feat Zayn
> 
> A/N: So that happened 

Quietness.. it wrapped around you like a damp cold blanket.

You walked thru the ICU, preparing yourself for whatever came next. What if he didn’t want you there? What if he blamed his injuries on you? Was he even conscious?

Everything you thought you knew had changed in a matter of hours. Just this morning he held you tight in his warm embrace, and now… Well now you didn’t know if he would make it through the night.

The surgery had been rough according to his surgeon. There where a couple of complications that may lead to

“ _Memory loss inability to speak or understand language or mental confusion. Balance disorder, dizziness, fatigue, or vertigo.”_

He warned you that if Bucky did make it he may not be the same man you once knew.

You could hear the steady loues of heart monitors beeping around you. Your ears strained  like you could hear the one that belonged to him.

Everything was uncertain now

___________________

The ICU was strangely calm. The soft mummers of doctors and nurses were the only thing that could be heard besides the low beeps of heart monitors.

You hadn’t had time to fully prepare for what you were about to endure. Sam coached you through a couple of breathing exercises, but nothing could settle your heart. Nothing but hearing his voice… it was the only thing that ever calmed you when things were hard.

Bucky’s room was at the end of the hall, you could make out his form through the frosted glass windows of his room. You felt like you where a world away from him, but it was a mere ten feet that made you feel like you were suffocating.

Each step you took the faster your heart began to beat.

But you couldn’t zone out, not now. Bucky needed you.

It was time to be strong for him the same way he had been for you. If he could tear his body in half, mentally and physically exhaust himself for days on end, all for the love of you.

You could fight back the tears in your eyes that desperately wanted to shed.

Before you were allowed to enter his room, one of his nurses gave you and Sam very clear rules to follow before and while you were in his room. 

“ _Wash your hands before entering his room. If anyone had any recent illnesses such as the flu, common cold or anything that could compromise his immune system not to enter his room while he was located in the ICU. And lastly, don’t touch him or any of the equipment that is hooked up to him.”_

_Hooked up to him…_

You knew he was in a medically induced coma to give his body time to heal. But you didn’t know he was being kept alive by strange, wires, tubes and machines.

The love of your life was hooked up to machine’s. Not breathing on his own.

The bright lights, the constant beeping of the heart monitors around you became to much.. You tried to prepare yourself. But there weren’t enough breathing exercises in the world to calm your rapidly beating heart.

“Ms.Y/L/N, when your ready I’ll lead you in. Only one at a time please.” You glanced back at Sam.

You took great comfort knowing he was going to be there. But you weren’t prepared to go in alone.

“Alright that sounds fine could you give me a moment.”  You wiped your sweaty palms on the top of your jeans.

Sam had been mummering words of encouragement , telling you to breathe through this. He grabbed your hands trying to snap you out of the self debracting whole you had fallen it.

But the instenty of the moment was to much you felt like you couldn’t do it, you felt like your world had ended. Just as it began.

You shook your head trying to snap yourself back into reality. You slipped your hands out of Sams grasb.

“I’ll be fine Sam, He’s been strong for me, it’s time I return the favor and be strong for him.“ You squeezed Sams hands one last time before you entered his room.

Bucky’s nurse led you to his bedside as he checked and charted various things regarding his health.

The only thing you could do was stare. There were various tubes sticking from his body. He didn’t look like your Bucky, he looked like someone who had been to hell and back.

This couldn’t be real this had to be a dream. You would wake up in the morning with him by your side snoring softly. This was not real.

Sam came up behind you moving towards your hands “Don't… Sam just don’t.” Your voice was shaky but stern. You couldn’t deal with any pitty. Not now.

“Can you go find his nurse and ask him if we could speak.” Your gaze shifted from Bucky to Sam. You needed a moment alone with him.

“Yeah,Y/N I’ll go find him and bring him in.”

Sam left the room quickly. You just needed about alone with him. It hadn’t even been a full day since you’ve seen him but you were craving his presence.

You knelt down beside his bed, gently grasping his hand. He was cold. His skin was dull he looked like he aged a hundred years.

“Bucky… oh baby, what happened to you. What happen to us.” Your voice cracked with every word you spoke.  

“I wish you’d never fought.. I-I wish I never let you. I should have been more forceful. I should have made you stay home. What did I do.” You were now weeping by his bedside. Clinging on to he is hand for dear life.

He was it for you. He was everything

Sam and Bucky’s nurse entered the room. You gathered yourself up off the floor and went out into the hallway.

There was one question that had to be asked. One you were avoiding, but it demanded an answer.

“Nurse Kelly, what comes next ?”

“Ms.Y/L/N, we should discuss after care. To make this next stage in his life as painless as possible.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song that inspired this part : “Dusk Till Dawn Sia feat Zayn
> 
> A/N: So that happened


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

>  
> 
> Day _Seven | Week one_

 

_Dear Diary,_

It’s been one week.. One week since Bucky’s been in the hospital. It’s been one week since I’ve heard his voice, one week since I’ve heard his laugh, one week since I’ve looked into his eyes. I feel like I’m going crazy.

I’ve never known a emptiness like this. Everyone keeps telling me to stay strong, it’s all I hear. But how can you stay strong when your unsure about everything.

Nurses and Doctors come in constantly, they chart away at the foot of his bed.  Checking his vitals, charting his blood pressure, checking for a ounce of him coming back to full consciousness. But still, there’s nothing.

I’m asked questions constantly like I’m supposed to know anything on Bucky’s current condition. I can’t even get his doctors to give me a clear answer.

Every question I’ve asked has been down played tossed to the side. I’m at there mercy for any true update on his condition.

I would move heaven and earth to have a answer. Not only for myself but for his mother, for the rest of his family. For the whole community of people who love and care for him.

His mother doesn’t come around often Winefred, never stays long. She barely touches him. Becca hasn’t come to see him once. Bucky is there world. He was and still is there rock. The endless number of tubes and medical equipment would break anyone in this situation.

Steve and Sam come by everyday. They talk to him as if he was right there engaged with them, they don’t speak to him as if he’s struggling for life. They talk to him like _there Bucky. There Friend._

Staying hopeful has become the hardest thing. Day in and day out there is no change. I’m more aware of the looks I’m given now more than ever.  The receptionist at the front, the janitor on the ICU floor, the hospital staff. I can feel the pity they have for me.

And that makes it twice as hard to hold on to this little sliver of hope I have.

Bucky’s, doctors where very blunt at the beginning. People in his situation don’t usually come out. And if they do well, there usually not the same.

Staying strong for yourself is one thing. But right now I’m holding him and a whole community of people who love him on my shoulders. If a crack shows in my porcelain facade, than everything and everyone will tumble to.

I keep these feelings to myself. I put on a brave face when everyone is around. I splash my face with cold water hoping it will help calm my  bloodshot eyes. I put on fresh clothes and take off his sweater I’ve been wearing for the past week. And I smile. I put on the best facade I can possibly muster. I recite the same mantra I’ve had since he’s been here.

 _“If I crack, they crack._ “

 I say it over and over again until I feel like I can face them. I smile, accept the endless prayers and good thoughts, put away the endless number of casseroles I’ve been given. And breath the best I can… Even though I’m drowning just like the rest of them.

When I feel the little starin of hope I have left start to dwiddle, I look to him. I look at every bruise and every cut on his body. I think back on the nights he came home beaten and bruised from fighting. He endured that because he loved me. And I can endure this because I love him.

The other night I dreamed of him. He was there, we were laying in bed. He held me close. He squeezed my hand three times like he always did in the morning. He never wanted to wake me while he got ready for work so he would squeeze my hand three times. The lightest pressure in the morning. Just to let me know  _he loved me._

God it felt so real, I would do anything for it to be real again.

Every night before I leave his room I squeeze his hand three times. When words fail me and I can barely form a full sentence without sobbing, I squeeze his hand so he knows I’m there. I squeeze his hand to let him know  _I love him…_


	6. Part 6°

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, fluff, a lot of emotions 
> 
> A/N: This is probably not the best thing you’ve read in your entire life but I’m proud of this little series.
> 
> As always thank you for reading my little ol fic!

“How long do you think she can hold up in there? She hasn’t been home in three days.” Sam and Steve watched you through the windows of Bucky’s hospital room. You hadn’t left his side in three days. Your eyes hung heavy with bags, the soft glow of your skin was no more.

You began to look like the walls of the hospital. Dull and lifeless. This wouldn’t be Sam sand Steve’s first attempt to get you to leave. They’ve tried several times but you still refused to go.

“She’s leaving now. I don’t care if I have to throw her over my shoulder.” Steve walked quickly in the room. He didn’t care if he had to drag you out kicking and screening. You where going home tonight.

“Y/n, I think it’s time you go home. I’m not asking you I’m telling you.”. There was a finality in the tone of Steve’s voice. You were tired. Trying to pick of fight with him was useless.

During the drive home you drifted off to sleep. The steady lou of the engine louled you easily.. By the time you woke Steve cut the engine of his truck walking briskly to your side of the vehicle.

“Here I can just carry you up.“ Steve unbuckled your seatbelt.

"I’m just tired Steve, I’m not completely useless.” You slowly stared out the truck. Your bones cracked with every movement

Steve watched as you climbed your way up the stairs. He could see the stress in your shoulders, the way you lugged up the stairs it was like you were ok autopilot. Barely there, barely existing.

You stood facing the dark blue door. You remembered when Bucky’s convinced you to let him paint that damn door blue.

——-

_“Come on Y/n the lady at the store said it matched my eyes.” Bucky  blinked his eyes rapidly, annoyingly trying to prove his point to you._

_“Yeah she was just try to upsell ya on the door Barnes. Hate to break it to you but you’ve been scammed babe.” You couldn’t fight them smile that crept up on. Watching him as he’d realized that he had been scammed._

_“But hey, you’re still the prettiest boy to me.“ You cupped Bucky’s chin in between your fingers squeezing lighty. “If that means anything to you.” You stuck your bottom lip out. You tried to come off sincere but your blatant sarcasm crept through._

_“Am I really? Beard stubble and all?“ Bucky pouted  like a little kid. Causing you to laugh even more._

_“Yes really, even more now with this patchy little beard your trying to grow.”_

——-

Turning the key to the door was the hardest part.

You’ve been avoiding your apartment ever since Bucky was emitted to the hospital. Every corner of the apartment pained you. Every corner was stained with memories of you and Bucky.

You could feel Steve’s heavy gaze on the back of your neck. You were touched that he was concerned for you. But you could only take so much pitty. It felt like a permanent fixture in your life. The sad smiles, the knowing glances. All filled with pity.

“Steve you don’t have to come in. I promise I’ll take a shower and rest for awhile.” Tears began to gather in the corner of your eyes, they were heavy threatening to spill at any moment. You repeat your mantra to yourself.

_“If I crack, they crack .”_

“Steve really, I can get by on my own.“

"I know you can Y/n. Your strong, you’ve been holding things together for Bucky and he doesn’t even know it. But you don’t have to be strong all the time. Let me help carry some of the load.” Steves words hit you right in the chest. You turned around almost falling to the ground from the quick movement.

It had been so hard being strong all the time. Smiling and nodding when family and friends told you that Bucky would be in there prayers. You put on a brave face when Bucky’s doctors informed you that he may not be the same if he woke from his coma. But you couldn’t carry this on your own.

“It’s been so hard Steve. I don’t think I can go on.. I just need him.. I-I just want him.” You broke down grabbing Steve tight. You tried to keep your sobs inside but they came tearing out of you. All the tears you had bottled up came down falling one after the other.

“I know it hasn’t been. I miss him every day. But we have to get through this Y/n he needs us. He needs you more than anything. You can’t be there for him if you don’t take care of yourself first.”

Steve pulled his sleeves down. Wiping the tears from your face. He encouraged you to breath in and breath out, to gain control of your breathing again. It was no secret your anxiety had gone through the roof since Bucky’s accident.

“When’s the last time you ate Y/n?” Steve was concerned for you. Not only for Bucky but for you. You had been friends with Steve way before you and Bucky got together. He cared for you than, and he cared for you now all the same.

“I umm… I honestly don’t remember.” You hung your head down in embarrassment. You knew you should have been taking better care of yourself. But Bucky was the only thing that invaded your mind.

“It’s alright. You go take a shower and I’ll make you something while you get cleaned up. Okay?”

"Okay that sounds good.” turning your back towards the front door. You couldn’t bring yourself to turn the key and walk in. Steve noticed your hesitation. He wished he could mend your heart back together. But there was only one person who could do that.

“Here how about I unlock the door.” Steve hand went out to you gesturing for the key. You passed Steve the key without looking up.

It was now or never.

Steve turned the key slowly, giving you time to brace yourself for the round of emotions you were bound to feel. The click of the door

unlocked as you step through the threshold of your home. Every memory of you and Bucky in this space came rushing back to you all at once.

Your gaze sat up the couch. You thought about all the late nights you had spent there wrapped in Bucky’s embrace listening while he spoke of the life he wanted you two to have together.You glanced over the the kitchen.

Every nook and cranny of that small apartment was filled with Bucky. The mugs that never matched, the smell of his cologne, the coffee grounds that were on the kitchen counter. He was everywhere but nowhere at the same time.

The apartment was dim. A sad hue laid heavy over the space. Everything was as you left it, but wrong at the same time.

Steve watched you as you stood frozen in the middle of the living room. He could see every emotions hit you at once. He saw the smile that appeared on your face when you were clearly thinking of Bucky. He could see the pain you felt when you remembered he may not come home again.

There you stood frozen in your grief.

You approached the bedroom door. Your hand stayed still over the knob. But you had to turn it, you had to feel this last emotion. Even if it broke your heart.

You slowly turned the knob, swallowing thickly as you prepared for this. Steve couldn’t go in there with you. This one.. this was something you had to endure on your own.

The bedroom looked exactly the same. Not one thing was out of place. The sheets where still the same Bucky’s side of the bed was still left undone. You hadn’t slept in your

our shared bed since his accident. It didn’t feel right laying in bed without him.

You walked over to drawer, rummaging around until you found something that would achor you. Pulling out one of his t-shirts. Lifting the garment to your nose breathing in Bucky’s fleeting scent.

The bathroom was the last area of your home you hadn’t adventured into. Your mind went back to simpler times. You reminisced on all the simple little things. When Bucky would watch you get ready. The way he’d stare so intensely as you did your hair. Eventually begging you to let him help.

Who knew such a small space could hold the most memories. You stood starting at your reflection in the mirror. You couldn’t recognize the woman staring back at you.

Your eyes were sunken in the deep tones of darkness appeared under your once warm and vibrant skin. Beautifully pigmented skin no longer glowed under the lights of the bathroom. Your hair had lost it bounce of curly coily curls.

It was to much.

Your hands fell over the sink as your chest heaved rapidly. Focusing on Sam’s words you breathed in deeply and out slowly. You thought the hardest room to be in was the bedroom, but you were wrong. The bathroom made you feel something that you hoped would never come. Grief.

The memory of Bucky and your last shower together took all the air from your lungs.

Your breathing became erratic as you stumbled to the ground. The room wouldn’t stop spinning. Your heartbeat was loud in your ears It all came hitting you at once.

You came to the realization that you could live in the world without Bucky Barnes. You missed the moments when you were blissfully unaware of the heartache to come.

And that was to much.

The last thing you heard was your heart beating rapidly. As your vision blurred, your body hitting against the cold tile floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated recently. But I'll be posting the next part for Y'all tomorrow! One more thing y'alls lovely feedback means the world to me. I re read your lovely comments all the time and smile like the dork I am. Thank you for supporting me! Love y'all


	7. °Still| Part 7 °

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairings: Boxer!Bucky x Woc!Reader
> 
> Warnings: Angst, a lot of emotions 
> 
> A/N: This is probably not the best thing you’ve read in your entire life but I’m proud of this little series. I’m really happy with way this part turned out.
> 
> As always thank you for reading my little ol fic!

 

|

The bed was soft, the morning light trickled in casting a orange glow throughout the room. Mornings like this made every problem you’d face throughout the day more bearable. You were next to the man who made it all more than bearable.

“Good morning Buck.” You rolled over smiling at him you enjoyed laying in bed with him. He was the Bucky you knew,  _the_  Bucky who wasn’t tired from working to the bone, _the_  Bucky who was optimistic about the future. It was a pure state of blis you where in by his side in the morning.

Bucky turned his head towards you meeting your gaze with a sad and somber mood.

“Y/n, I know it’s hard but you have to wake up.”

“Y/n.. Y/n you have to wake up.”

“I don’t have to work today. I want to lay right here in bed with you.” You nuzzled back into Bucky’s warm embrace. He knew your schedule, why would he bother waking you up when he knew this was your normal day off.

“No, Y/n you have to wake up. Come on baby just breathe and wake up.“ Bucky grabbed your shoulders. He tugged you upwards shaking you lightly. All the warm light drained right out the room. Your body began shaking all of a sudden.

“Y/n can you hear me. Y/n come on wake up Y/n.”

“Bucky I am up. What’s going on? “ Bucky placed you on your back pulling your legs up. The bedroom door swung open, cool air filled the room draining out the steam.

“Please Y/n come on wake up.” He cried out as if you weren’t there.

“I am fully awake Buck. What’s going on ?”

The room began to fill with steam. Your clothes stuck to your skin. Bucky’s voice began to fade out. Nothing was making since.

“Y/n, Y/n.”

“Y/n come on, come on.”

“Wake up!”

"Bucky I’m right here.” Your voice slurred as you came back to consciousness, your eyes slowly opened as you felt throbbing near the back of your head.

You weren’t in bed with Bucky, no. You where on your bathroom floor.

Steves form slowly came into view as your blurry eyes focused on his face.

Steves moved your head around gently, trying to assess and visible head injuries. His gaze fell over your head and your arms they were slightly bruised but they seemed okay, and it was only when you called Bucky’s name again Steve realized you needed immediate medical attention.

________

The bright lights stung your eyes as you struggled to open them. A loud beep snapped you out your daze. You realized you weren’t at home anymore. One moment you where getting ready to take a shower and the next everything had gone black.

Your head pounded as you tried to make sense of everything that happened. Bucky, you remembered being with him. The two of you where cuddled up in each other’s embrace one moment, and the next Bucky was shaking you, yelling begging you to wake up.

It was a dream. It was all too good to be true.

Even in your unconscious state your heart wanted Bucky. So much to the point that you dreamed about him when you weren’t coherent.

You glanced around taking in your surroundings. The room you laid in was identical to Bucky’s. You were back at the hospital.

Steve’s voice cut through the stillness of the room. Your mind raced back to the most recent thing you could remember, Steve held you on the bathroom floor begging you to stay awake. Everything after that was a blur.

This was it your ultimate break down. And Steve had witnessed it. You felt foolish. You couldn’t stay strong, you couldn’t be the person Bucky needed you to be right now. Everything had fallen apart. And to make things worse your felt like you’d let Bucky down for not being as strong as he had been. You sat in the bed starting at your hands. The room was silent, the only noise was your dark thoughts as you sat there in your own chaos, in silence.

No mantra could save you now. _ **If I crack they crack.**_

The deafening silence was interrupted by heavy footsteps approaching your room. Sam appeared in the doorway. Sam’s eyes held a gaze like he knew about your internal struggles.

“Your allowed to fall apart. But not like this.”

“Where’s Steve I need to apologise to him and you. If I only had listen to you sooner I wouldn’t be here.” Tears filled your eyes. You were overwhelmed. No mantra could help you now. Cracking was the only thing you could do. Sam rushed over to your bedside, your eyes met his own hushed tears filled his eyes as well.

“We’ll get through this but not this way. If your falling apart let me know, let us know. Your not in this alone. Steve and I will be there for you.” Sam cradled your head against his chest lightly as you cried.

Every tear you shed brought a sense of relief over you. Your body shook as you cried, tears ran down your face until you were exhausted and tired. Sam took a deep breath in. “We’re in this together. And don’t you forget it.” Sam wiped the tears that littered across your cheeks. You all would make it through this. That was the first sure thing you’d had known in a while.

______

One day at a time. That was how you all took it. Rotating shifts was the first plan of action. You agreed with Sam and Steve that you wouldn’t be any good if you weren’t taking care of yourself. So the three of you and other close family and friends rotated being with Bucky.

It had been working well so far. You opted to be with him in the evenings. It allowed you to still go to work to support you and him  _once he woke up._

You no longer let your mind be plagued with the thought of Bucky not making it through. The only thing you could afford to have was hope. Sam was the one who suggested you say a couple of positive affirmations before and after you’d seen Bucky.

So far it had been working well. Instead of crying and sitting at his bedside you talked to him. You talked about the most mundane things, to things you were always too shy to say to him. He was still your Bucky and nothing was going to change that.

_________

The work week had been kind to you. Your relief came early to the library allowing you to go home, take a quick shower and head over to the hospital to be with Bucky.

Sitting with him in the evening made everything feel normal.  _Well as normal as it could get_. It felt like it did before the accident, as if nothing had changed. Bucky usually waited for you before he would head off to whatever odd job he had found for the week.

He would sit with you on the couch listening to you intently as you told him of the horrors of working at the library. He never cared how bouring you said your job was. All he wanted was to be with you before he had to join the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

______________

You grabbed one of the chairs pulling it up to Bucky’s bed side. You open the blinds moving back the curtains. The soft glow of the sunset illuminated the room as you took your seat next to your love.

Pulling back the curtains was something you recently started doing. You no longer sat in darkness next to his side. Bucky was your light. It was only fair you let a little of him into the room. You held his hand like you always did. Recanting your day to him as if he was nodding his head and listening to you. You babbled on about any and every little thing as usual.

Bucky’s nurses we’re due to come in soon. His vitals were due to be checked. You usual wandered down to the cafeteria to eat and give them space as they assessed your boyfriend.   

You digged thru  your purse for searching for your wallet and phone. Looking back at Bucky one more time. You always squeezed his hand before you left, it was your silent I love you.

Standing at Bucky’s bed side your hand reached out to grab his like you had done many times before. You gently sat your hands together on the bed, turning to walk away your hand was yanked back before you could go any further.

You gazed locked down quickly on your intertwined hands, as you hoped you weren’t imagining something you only dreamed about. Your heart raced in your chest as you watched Bucky’s fingers move in between yours. You did everything you could not to pass out right there and than.

Bucky eyes began to slowly twitch behind his lids until he was looking right at you. His eyes closed before he gained a little strength to hold them open longer. Bucky blinked once more until he was able to look you right in the eyes.

All traces of air were sucked out of the room. You stood there frozen as you took in what was happening. He was awake. He was there.

“Baby, Y/n.” His voice was scratchy as he spoke. The evidence of not speaking for so long where clear in his voice.your Vision became cloudy as tears ran freely down your face.

Your body began to shake as you cried. You fell down to your knees at his bedside, your arms clutched Bucky’s sides tightly. This felt like a dream it had to be one. Bucky’s hand fail to your arm lightly tugging you upwards.

“Don’t cry. I- I’m here now.“ Bucky struggled to hold back his own tears as he watched you.

This was it. This bad dream was finally over. He was here with you. “I dreamed of this moment more than I could count. Breathing without you has been the hardest thing.“ You spoke through your sob, Bucky pulled you up close to his embrace. His arms shook as he wiped the tears from your eyes.

Once your vision finally cleared you were able to look into his eyes. Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes. It was all over. This was home. Bucky is home.

Breathe in. It’s over 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I enjoy hearing from y’all so much! Any feedback is welcomed! Oh one more thing, This little series is almost over. Two more parts and that’s it! Maybe a epilogue? I don’t even know yet y’all.


	8. Still| Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairings: Boxer!Bucky
> 
> Warnings: Fluff, angst all the good stuff.
> 
> WC: 1.5K 
> 
> A/n: I don’t really know what to say I never thought I would actually finish my first series. But here we are! And I’m so excited. I’ve never written a ending so hopefully this is okay. Y'all this was a struggle the whole way through but I made it to the end 😂. Thank you for reading, liking, commenting with me throughout this fic💛. I hope y'all enjoy this ending. ~ Shay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really know what to say I never thought I would actually finish my first series. But here we are! And I’m so excited. I’ve never written a ending so hopefully this is okay. Y'all this was a struggle the whole way through but I made it to the end 😂. Thank you for reading, liking, commenting with me throughout this fic💛. I hope y'all enjoy this ending. ~ Shay

|

One choice changed everything. One decision at one moment in time flipped your life upside down and turned it inside out. But if you had the chance to see a glimpse of the life you would have after it. You would gladly go through the pain of it all again.

_______________

“Good morning.” You muttered. Sleep threatening once again to take you under.

You never thought you would see another morning like this. Simple mundane things that you once consider, never giving them a second thought where now days you lived for.  

Waking up early just to watch him sleep had become your favorite early morning pass time.

He looked at peace. The scars were starting to fade from his face. His skin was no longer dull and lifeless it held the same glow you’d once had known before the storm of it all.

“Good morning sugar.” Bucky pulled you close to his chest. Wrapping his arms careful around your middle not squeezing to tight. Just close enough to know that it wasn’t a dream.

Life had been good to you for the first time in a while.

“How’d you sleep?” Bucky’s hand rubbed your upper arm.

“I got up a couple of times but nothing major just felt a little sick.” You snuggled close into his arms. You tried to play it off as no big deal. But in fact it was a very big one.

“I told you to wake me up if you weren’t feeling right.“ Bucky brought your hand to his lips placing a small kiss on your knuckles. Bucky didn’t care if it was something small he wanted to keep an eye on you the whole time. His world was carrying a small life. He didn’t want anything to happen to the small life that was growing inside you.

“I rather not have you looming over my shoulders while upchuck everything but the kitchen sink.” You muttered into Bucky’s chest.

“Baby Iv'e litterly kissed your ass. I don’t really care about you puking right in front of me.”  Bucky managed to stifle a laugh from you, It was his favorite sound to hear.

“You’ve taken care of me so much this past year it’s the least I can do.” Worry was heavy in Bucky’s eyes. He knew what you where about to say next. He regretted what he’d said as soon as the words fell from his lips.

"If I wasn’t for me you would have never been in that situation to begin with James.” the dam of emotions you’d tried to control came spilling out.

"I was the one who made the choice to keep training despite the fact that I was injured to begin with.” Bucky’s jaw clenched. Talking about Bucky’s time in the hospital was still a fresh bruise on your heart. Even if it was a over a year ago, you still felt the fresh pain in your chest at the thought you would lose him.

Bucky never tried to remind you of that time. It had been the main cause of many arguments between the two of you. The last thing Bucky wanted to do was fight with you. So when the topic came up like it always did when you started blaming yourself. Bucky was always adamant to remind you that nothing was your fault.

Because honestly if he had to do it again he would in a heartbeat. Bucky was unsure about a lot of things in his life. He didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. After everything the two you had been through together. Life and near death, and everything else in between. You weren’t something he ever questioned.

"You didn’t do anything Y/N. You tried to stop me. The only person this all comes back to is me.” Bucky’s grip on you became tighter. He hated how you would blame yourself for what happened. He didn’t care how many times he had to tell you it wasn’t your fault. It all came back to choice he made.

Bucky gently wiped the tears from your eyes. He’d seen you cry enough.

“I love you Bucky.” The unwavering love the two of you shared was your anchor through everything before and everything after.

“I love you to baby.“

Life was finally starting to settle down. Your long drift at sea was over. And for the first time in a long time you were optimistic about the future. And things unseen.

_____________

“Y/n, why aren’t you laying down. I told you I would do the dishes later.”

"You said that yesterday Barnes. The dishes are nearly a mile high now.” Bucky’s hands rested around your waist helping you wobble back to the couch.

“It’s not that big of a deal I can wash the dishes.” You knew Bucky wasn’t listening to you as he continued to lead you right back to your spot on the couch. Bed rest wasn’t your cup of tea.

“Hush. Take a seat.”Bucky lent down removing his house shoes from your swollen feet. Over the past four months your feet had swollen twice their normal size. Bucky’s grizzled pair of house shoes where the only thing that weren’t to tight on your feet.

“Come on, Scoot down.” Bucky patted his thighs waiting for you to rest your feet on his lap. He loved being able to take care of you. Before the incident Bucky wanted to give you the world. And now he’s in a better place financially and physically to do so. Nothing  was going to come between him and his strong desire to do so.

“Baby you have to follow the doctor’s orders, You know you aren’t supposed to be on your feet until the lab results come back.”

“I’m going crazy Buck, I can’t take this anymore. I’ve watched every true crime doc on Netflix.” You wiped your hand over your face with anger and frustration. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at the fact you consider resting on your ass all day a problem.

“So sitting at home resting is driving you crazy.”  Bucky counited to rub your feet watching you squirm as he went over a ticklish spot on your foot.

“Yesss Buck it is.” You slid down on the couch throwing your arms in the air. Bucky was stubborn

“I can come to work with you. I promise you won’t even know I’m there. Please baby. You can keep a better eye on me if I’m with you.“ You stretched up pecking Bucky on the lips. You tried to deepen the kiss to distract him but Bucky was prepared for your so called smooth talk.

“Nice try but no Y/n.” Bucky tickled the side of your foot causing you to fall back into the couch. You pushed yourself up quickly wobbling your way back to the bedroom.

“Hey where are ya going? I was just getting started. I was doing some of my best work.” Bucky sprung up from the couch following your waddling form back to the bedroom. You stopped in your tracks pushing Bucky back from the threshold of the bedroom.

“That’s what you said about this” You glared back at him pointing at your prominent bump. “And now I look like I swallowed a bouncy ball.”  Bucky tried not to laugh but he couldn’t help himself.

“Well if you did hypothetically did swallow a damn bouncy ball than you look pretty good right now considering the circumstance.” Bucky quipped back to you in a playful tone.

“Barnes you are just too much.” You began to shut the door on Bucky grinning face when you were stopped in your tracks by a loud thump. Bucky slid his boot in between  the door stopping you.

“Let’s make a deal. If you can actually be on bed rest for the rest of the week. I don’t want to see you trying to do anything that doesn’t involve resting or peeing. We can go out Friday night and stop by that ice cream shop on forth street.” Bucky knew the way to your heart and food was the blueprint.

___________________

The evening air was warm and light as you and Bucky sat outside enjoying your frozen treats. If you had been asked this time last year what your life with Bucky would look like

Bucky was  deep in thought replying  the events of the last year the to of you have endured together. Reflecting back on the challenges, heartache and pain t you had seen together only made Bucky even more thankful he had you in the middle of all the chaos that had now turned into still peaceful silence.

He always thought that life wouldn’t be this way for him. It was never good for his mother or father so why would fate show itself kind to him now. He didn’t know how he ended up here with someone who loved him fiercely like you but he want going to question it any further.

Life was going good in the still peacefulness of it all. And he wouldn’t change any of the events leading up to this one moment for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you again for reading this. 💛I’ve never written a ending to a series before so hopefully this as okay and not to cheesy. I just really enjoy a happy ending after alot of angst.
> 
> PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS SERIES!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> °A/N: I hope this clears up any confusion. I’m rewriting this series! I stared this a couple of months ago. But at the time I was writing for validation from others and not for the enjoyment of myself


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